…getting out of my own way

“there are ways that i limit myself in doing what i want, and then i later become resentful-which is ironic because no one is stopping me from anything but me.” – dancingmermaid

fascinating how sometimes it feels as though some soul has the strength, courage & clarity to put into words some quality or habit or feeling about themselves that rings a big giant gong in my own head. see, there are days when i am so clear about what i want, and i know exactly how i’m going to get there and it’s going to be so easy and i just have to begin and it will all fall into place and happen. but then it doesn’t. because…”I” come up with an obstacle of some kind – something i like to call “reality” but really it’s “fear”.

there’s not really anything i want in my life that i’m incapable of getting. not. one. thing. honestly. granted my wants and wishes aren’t pie in the sky – i don’t really want to go into space or be a celebrity, i don’t have grand material desires for yachts or jewelry. what i want is to write a book and have it published, and to be a self-supporting artist. i want a little art studio space that i love being in every day (instead of wanting yet resisting it because i cry when i try to paint something). i want yoga and my yoga studio to be my only job. i want to have a little mountain house escape. i want to go to tuscany and have a little italian roadtrip. i want to sit less in front of my computer and be outside more. i want to feel exhausted from playing all day and crawl happily into bed and the arms of love.

but as the lovely dancing mermaid said above…somehow i limit myself and then resent it later. what is that about? why do we limit ourselves? my soul sister sufi asked me the other day “what are you afraid of?” one of my responses was that i’m afraid of not living up to the expectations i have of myself. but what does that mean? and if this is true, why do i sabotage myself? and how do i get out of my own way? these are my questions. and as rilke says, i’m tryng to “learn to love the questions themselves”…

do you do this? what do you do to right yourself and get yourself back on course?

when i know that i am the ocean, i am not afraid of the waves…

print_oceansequence.jpg

isn’t this just beautiful? i loved it instantly, but then the artists inspiration for it really took my breath away…

“when i know that i am the ocean, i am not afraid of the waves.”

penelope dullaghan is one of my newest heroes, and i’ve been reading her blog for a little bit now. i discovered that she will be teaching at the squam art workshop that i’m eagerly anticipating this fall. her “earth project” workshop is my first choice! she is selling a limited edition of these prints on her website today…for an amazingly fair price. if you are so moved…you should get one for yourself and support her.

“when i know that i am the ocean, i am not afraid of the waves.”

such a poetic and elegant way to express that ultimate knowing of the unity with all things that is the lesson inherent in the practice of yoga and meditation. and too, as a surfer-girl-in-constant-lifelong-training, i am always having to overcome my deep-seated, primal fear of the ocean, it has eased over time, and in fact my personal revolution time in yoga training was a period of evolution in my surfing as well, and i was lucky enough to do my training in nosara, costa rica, an amazing surfing village on the pacific coast.

but our girl here…graced with this knowledge that she is one with the ocean, lifts her calm, serene gaze out toward the swell that is heading her way, knowing exactly what she’ll need to do in order to ride that wave all the way to the beach.

she is an inspiration…and so are you penelope…thank you, for bringing her into our world!

love!