where ya been?

over the past six months or so, i’ve been writing a weekly column over at the squam blog. but, as i’m not the most verbose of writers, that means i left things a little neglected over here. so today i collected all the links to my writings…mostly for me to have a compiled record of them. but if you didn’t know where i was, and you are curious…here you go!

xo

squam by the sea & obx love

circumnavigation

familia

the tax man

the work of art

hey, they’re just like us

i have a confession to make

it’s spring

my love affair with instagram

sublime moments

dude, the brain

creative rhythmic dancing beings

a few of our favorite things

what in the world was going on

one by one

the art of living

a little yoga to warm your day

a juicy video

advocate for yourself

so proud…

my friend christine has been working on a fun book project for the past year. while she simultaneously incubated a baby (little vijay was born in october), she was traveling around new england finding cute little markets to photograph and write about.

amazing… i can barely get off my island at times and here she was with her gorgeous swelling belly on a long road trip. her book is called Markets of New England.

she gave us this sneak peek recently and it is gorgeous. (and yes that’s my beloved squam in the third photo). she is a self-taught photographer and a terrific writer and i just can’t wait to hold her book in my hands. if you have any connection to new england or just want to be inspired by gorgeous writing and photos you can pre-order it on amazon…

now if i can only get her to do one about north carolina so i can tag along as her navigator!

gosh i’m like a proud momma…

p.s. civi – she has CHICKENS!

getting my soul known again…

my hands in flora‘s class …photo by christine chitnis

i never seem to be able to put into words what squam does for me…i have the best intentions, writing notes to myself about this and that moment, and i get home tongue-tied because there is just too much…

but these words – sung by our jonatha, and originally written by woody guthrie  – have been running around in my head for more than a week now, and express it in a way that feels the best:

“I fully aim, to get my soul known again
As the maniac, the saint, the sinner, the drinker, the thinker, the queer
I am the WORKS, the whole WORKS
And it’s not ’till you have called me all of these things
That I feel satisfied, I feel satisfied.”

really.

because it is there at S.A.W. that i understand that i have the soul of a painter, a poet, a mystic, a tree nymph, a siren, a seeker, a healer, a lover, a listener, a muse, a guide, a teacher and a student…and it is there that i can fully embrace the paradoxes. there is nowhere else on earth that i’ve yet found that satisfies all of these things like that lake, and those days, and all the amazing co-creators of that experience. we each show up, with our baggage both literally and figuratively and we look around at everyone else’s bag and say “you know, i have one that looks just like that, and here we are together at last. and i get you. i see you. where have you been all my life?”

S.A.W. breaks me down gently, with just enough (literal and figurative) discomfort to put me safely out of my comfort zone, to wake me up, to give me compassion for those that are cold or anxiety ridden or lonely or sitting in self-criticism, and then it fills me up in such a way that i walk through those woods tear-filled, love-filled, and compassion-filled with my arms and heart wide open and ready to serve…

and i know elizabeth’s vision calls to me…and i know my soul answers.

love.

one giant leap…

i’m not exactly sure how i got here…but have somehow found myself in new territory. yesterday i was driving to teach my class at the studio, and in my back seat were two pieces of art. art that i had created. art about to be shipped off to new hampshire for the return of the goddess art show/sale. i’ve never done that before in my life. ever.

it felt huge. it is huge.

but the gremlins wanted to take it away from me: “well, it’s elizabeth who asked you so it doesn’t count.” “well, it’s just a little show in new hampshire so it doesn’t count.” “well, it’s not really art, you’re just fooling around.” “you’re not an artist you didn’t study art in school.” followed by…”they’re not that good anyway.” and “what were you thinking?” and of course…”you probably shouldn’t even send them.”

mixed-media on 16×16 birch panel


mixed-media on 16×16 birch panel

but i didn’t let the gremlins take it. instead i worked on consciously letting it all sink in…feeling it. owning it. because the reality of it is — i was invited, i did the work, and i will never have my first art show again…this is cause for celebration!

so i called my best bff artsy girlfriend…the one i knew would totally get it and i told her we were going out for bubbles!

and we did. and she totally did. and we laughed, toasted elizabeth and art and all the goddesses (& pan)…

and then told those gremlins to stick it.

~~~


i also have to say i am completely blown away and deeply honored to be in such gorgeous company…have a look at who else is sharing their souls at the show…and join us if you can!

DENISE ANDRADE
FLORA BOWLEY
ANNE CADY
PIXIE CAMPBELL
JEANINE CARON
DIANA FAYT
LISA FIELD- ELLIOT
CHRISTOPHER FROST
JEN GRAY
LIZ KALLOCH
ELIZABETH MACCRELLISH

quite simply, now she knows…

photo

quite simply, now she knows…she’s an artist.

and squam was exactly where i needed to be…

my cabin was exactly where i needed to be…

my room and cabin-mates were exactly who they needed to be…

the classes were exactly what they were meant to be…

i am utterly filled with love, strength and most of all…gratitude to the love brigade for showing me the way; for all the connections and serendipitous moments of grace; generous, wise, and gifted teachers that created and held space for our own voices to be heard; the delightful new friends made; the amazing depth and breadth of artistic voices that inspired; the obstacles moved; the doorway that opened into a light-filled future; and especially many, many, many MANY (ok, absolutely endless amounts of) heartfelt, teary-eyed thank yous to my beloved elizabeth for calling me home.

i do not understand the mystery of grace.
only that it meets us where we are, but does not leave us where it found us.
– anne lamott

~love~

….

suddenly I see why the hell it means so much to me…

you may recall i got all excited about going to the squam art workshops retreat last september – it was such a big step with all the assoicated drama that comes with commitment, facing fears, acknowledging hidden parts of myself, y’know…all that hard stuff that’s good for you. i ended up not going for a variety of reasons, all of them surmountable individually, and most in concert, but the fear monster got the best of me and i stayed home in my cozy little rut.

well as luck {angels, spirit-guides} would have it, elizabeth ~ the founder of squam ~ showed up at my studio this week. as it turns out we were twins seperated by years and birth-mothers, long lost sisters of the earth, tribemates…i knew this of course from our first email exchange…but sometimes you need a whack on the side of the head in order to get your vision working again. silly robot.

we spent friday afternoon together – being girly, catching up, shopping, daydreaming and masterminding {read: outwitting my fear monster} my trip to squam this year. elizabeth is AMAZING {sing this loudly!}…beautiful clear-blue-green eyes, passionate, together, kooky, validating, loving and inspiring.

and suddenly i see!

the power of art is clearly no different than the power of yoga – it’s all about divine energy and creation. mary jo, one of the gifted, amazing, powerful, sensational teachers at my studio sent this quote to me:

“Your skill as a yoga teacher is not in teaching your students sophisticated technical asanas. It is in your application of yoga as a breakthrough practice for overcoming personal inhibitions, fears, and insecurities. It is in fearlessly comunicating to each one of your students their greatest possibility, to see themselves as divinity. It is by being in the passion and fire of yoga.” ~amrit desai

replace “yoga” with “art” or “creativity”…and you’ll understand elizabeth. i’m thankful, and honored, and thrilled to have her in my life…please – check out the squam site, and come join me in september!

lovelovelove!

*m

we are ok, yeah we are alright…

what a wonderful way to start (or restart) your day! all these affirmations and truths…not to mention a great tune to have running through your head on this gorgeous spring like day:

created by the lovely mccabe…a sweet mermaid, self-taught artist, children’s superhero goddess from california (with long ties to OBX!). she’s running an ecourse to teach folks how to do kids art camps. check her out!

art camp e-course

…cybernating…

i made this word up the other day. (i think…maybe it’s already out there in the world?)

barb‘s query “wherever did you go” to my i *might* be back post has been bouncing around in my brain…and i think living in this seasonal, touristy place had me offline and off in the world for the summer, and well, it appears the fall also. i was teaching & managing the studio, doing lots of private yoga classes, doing way too much driving up and down the bypass, working at a wonderful new restaurant at night, and working on a few writing projects. to be perfectly honest, the only thing i miss about the past few months is the warm sun.

it was a long summer and fall of soul searching too, with a little running away and avoiding thrown in for good measure. but now it’s cold and the soul searching has gotten deeper and i find i’m hibernating and spending much more time on-line seeking out kindred spirits – hence cybernating – and creating a little art space/office/cave while trying to find the bravery to do art. i have felt a block in my body for a long time about art… a deep ache reminding me of something i lost a long time ago. i’m trying to find my way back. to not judge and just do. to put brush to canvas or glue to image or fabric and make something. it’s been fun. and really hard – more than one ‘creative sunday’ has been tear-filled. but i’ve birthed one small piece. with another in the works…so we’ll see.

i guess that’s where i’ve been…what about you? do you have a similar seasonal, energetic or creative cycle?

xo*m

p.s. i also found myself out in the redwoods in northern california, north of humboldt. months later i still dream about them….

tree within the redwood trees

i *might* be back…

maybe.

i’m starting to open again to those little creative sparks, urges to put pen to paper ~ at least metaphorically, urges to take a picture of something pretty i notice, urges to paint some big splotches of color on pieces of paper.

so, we’ll see…be patient with me. it’s a long road back.

lovelovelove*

.