the way that light attaches to a girl…

everyone receives divine inspiration and wisdom in different ways…

for me, most often it seems to come through lyrically…perhaps the music soothes the savage beast within me (the inner critic) and i step into a heartspace of flow, and open up to the sparks of light.

my thoughts on squam by the sea have been ruminating for days. my mind full of questions — what was it about? what was the lesson? and as pixie would say, what medicine was it carrying? as i allow the experience to distill down to its truth, its essence, i try to honor it with the space and time it needs to come into being, and quite honestly this one is still coming…

but just now, as i began again to try to capture it all, i heard these lyrics drifting upstairs to me as i wrote…

all at once you look across a crowded room

and see the way that light attaches to a girl

and while the song itself is a sad story about a dark night of the soul after love lost… all i needed to hear, all the divine needed me to hear, were those two lines.

this was an important piece of information…so i went for a walk in the dune to consider the mystery with the words rolling around in my mind. as i walked the path i’ve been trodding of late, i was literally stopped in my tracks by a section of delicate wild grasses, their subtle movement electrified as the sun struck them *just so* and their crystalline bits lit up like fireflies. i fell to my knees, truly awestruck, and quite honestly so moved by their beauty that tears came to my eyes. i am oft moved by beauty…but not quite like this. this was stunning.

so, with tears, i watched the light attaching to these grasses, bearing witness to them in perhaps their finest moment of the day. letting it all come together…

there was so much love here by the sea over that long weekend…as well as so much delicate beauty and vulnerability (and o the strength it takes to be vulnerable). so much truth, so much deep affection and celebration. so much respect, and too a willingness to be present…and i watched each evening as the light attached itself to one and then another. i watched her light up, i watched her smile, i bore witness to her in perhaps her finest moment of the day.

elizabeth, through her years of soulwork, has become a powerful beacon for many of us. i heed her call magnetically, energetically and consciously. but she teaches me again and again that i am no good to anyone unless i am also recognizing and heeding my own call and seeing my own light. as women, we are inclined to nurture, to give, and at times to martyr ourselves…but we are no good to anyone unless we take the time to care for ourselves. and quiet honestly, our capacity to nurture and love expands exponentially when we turn that love and nurturance inward.

the philosophical undercurrent that ran through so many of our quieter conversations, was about the fear of being seen, or not belonging…and to me, this goes back to the “i’m not good enough” misbelief (which i believe goes back to cultural or generational wounds about femininity). yet at the same time, there was this tremendous sense of support and freedom to explore. see — this vulnerability needed to come to the surface, it needed to be voiced in order to be honored and released so that we could each be gently coaxed into the comfort of being ourselves and stretching our glorious wings into some individually uncharted territory.

the power though, was in the mirrors we each held up for one another. after the moment of giving voice to our saddest truths, honoring them because yes, we do feel the same way. we could say to one another– ‘but now, look at me, look at me looking at you, look at my eyes gazing at you – what do you see in them? you see love – and what that really is, is the reflection of your own light, just as the sun lights up our beloved full moon. i am a reflection of you in this moment…’

so perhaps all this talk of feeling seen isn’t as much about being seen by each other as we want it to be — the grasses didn’t really need me there for them to have their moment in the sun — perhaps instead it’s that for a moment, supported by loving eyes and souls reflecting our light, we were finally able to take a peek and catch a glimpse of the shimmering…

we actually saw ourselves…

and loved her.

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12 comments

  1. wow. this is powerful. i love how you expressed the experience.

    also, just an observation: you are surrounded by light. when you walk into a room, there is a glow of love and acceptance. i cherish that about you.

  2. I am on my knees now, marveling at the light in your words and the beauty of your spirit. You are all…..just….so…..


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