Catastrophic Failure

baking is actually one of the hardest things i’ve ever taken on. shocking isn’t it? i mean… you are following directions, how hard can it be, really? well for someone like me, who likes to improvise, following the rules can be a challenge. who knew that you really did need parchment paper, even if you were using a non-stick pan. THAT is where the problem started. so 2 of the layers of my triple layer chocolate cake (with vanilla cream filling, and a chocolate ganache topping) crumbled. no problem…i think…i’ll just make extra cream filling and “glue” it back together.

oh boy. that was only mistake number one.

now this mistake isn’t entirely my fault. i begin to make the cream filling. its to be divided, and part of the cream boiled and then chilled. they say “chill in the refrigerator until just cold, approximately 5 minutes”…well after 15, and being in the freezer its still not cold..but i figure its close enough right? not quite. so now my vanilla cream is a bit, um…runny.

well, i think…i’m putting it back in the fridge to set once i assemble the cake…it will harden up there. so lets have at it!

i’ll just say that runny vanilla cream doesn’t work so well as glue and now my triple layer cake looks like someone took a moon pie and smashed it with a bat. it’s HYSTERICAL.

but it’s chillin’ in the refridge…and we’ll see how the ganache goes…might as well see this through to the messy end!

bon appetite!

…bittersweet thoughts on love…

From The Painted Drum by Louise Erdrich

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could.

reintegration?

Full of hard angles, and cold – both literally and figuratively. That was my re-entry into America. Like being born perhaps? Having left the warm, moist, womb-like environment of nosara I was thrust…truly propelled through the air in a tube…into the harsh lights and cold air of the city. And to what purpose am I reborn? Removed from a place of acceptance and understanding, I’m finding it more and more difficult to maintain the clarity I gained. bombarded with waves of energy…the intent of which is to knock me off balance. Am I being tested? is each push, a time for me to re-evaluate, re-center, reaffirm my path. A path to inner peace, love, and kindness.

I believe.